Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word