Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am full of burrito and curiosity
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.