There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sext me about skeletons
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?