fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas