Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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