We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No I am not eating basil off your cock
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
