haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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