she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i've created a new STD.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
