Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
