There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
