she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
