I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
