why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
