We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
