The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
