sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You pole danced in your parka.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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