They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
