No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
