I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
