tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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