either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
