in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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