so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
