speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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