My sheets look like a crime scene.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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