it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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