But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
