HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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