I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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