I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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