I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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