Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
