May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
