Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
