It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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