you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
