It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
