Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
