There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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