I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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