Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
