I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
