It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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