I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
