the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
