I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
