I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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