Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
