There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im part way to drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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