Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
