Please don't use social media to get back at me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
