I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
