Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
