i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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