U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
