hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
