when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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