So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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