peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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