I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
