I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If that was your dad, he is hot
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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