hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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