mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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