if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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