Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is my gift to your gina
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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