Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
