so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
