Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
