I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
